I’ve been loudly absent this month, which is interesting because it was July last year that I was pretty absent too. Maybe I should just take July off.
A large factor in my absence has been my emotions and mental state. I’ve been swirling from anxious to depressed to hyper-actively happy and right back around again. It’s been hard. While I’ve been safe the whole time, interacting with people has been a struggle, and most days it’s been as much as I can do to get out of bed and do my normal daily chores. Sitting down to write has been difficult, because by the time I’ve trudged through the day and have time, all I want to do is sleep. I’ve lost count of how many meltdowns I’ve had, one of them at 3am and a girl online talked me through it so I could go back to sleep. It’s been okay, the stuff I’ve been anxious about has been able to be resolved, and my family has been really great. But even though it’s been okay, it’s been hard. Tiring. I want to just sleep for three days straight (except I tried that once and I lasted three hours.)
It feels like years since I published Spinner, not two and a half months. It was six weeks ago that I talked to the classrooms – what? No, I’m 98% sure that was two years ago. I’m disoriented by how time is passing, probably because I’ve been doing so much more on a daily basis since April 1st than I have my entire life. Every day is twice or three times longer and busier than they ever have been, and I’ve been having a hard time finding my balance. In addition, I have another part job. That comes with its own stresses, especially trying to find my balance with my boss. The last time I worked under someone, it went downhill fast and I ended up badly burned. So I’m trying to figure out how to keep my boss happy while still doing the best job I can do while still staying sane. If I can’t stay sane, it’s not worth it, even though the money is good. It’s complicated.
Life’s complicated.
But, I’m feeling like I’m over the worst of this period, and will be able to start August on a better foot. Here’s hoping.
NEWS:
I have a poetry book coming out! I’m planning a Facebook party on August 20th.
Copyright 2017 by Annie Louise Twitchell